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monsterbeats's favorite FMLs
Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML
by khood / 04/14/2009 at 1:10am / United States / Love
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML
by bodyelectric / 04/13/2009 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy
Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 12:14pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Kids
Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML
by NowABlonde / 03/09/2009 at 12:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML
by wtf / 02/02/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Christoams / 01/11/2009 at 11:35pm / Miscellaneous
- Today, after tossing and turning for hours trying to sleep, I finally doze off. I am then awoken by… Today, I received an aggressive voicemail from a date asking why I was late. We were due to meet at… Today, I woke up to find a blueberry sitting in my bathroom sink. This incident would normally be…