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monsterbeats

Offline (the 04/01/2015 at 5:16am) | Search for a member

monsterbeats

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 20 July 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 924
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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monsterbeats's page activity

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monsterbeats's favorite FMLs

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24756) - you deserved it (11263)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34764) - you deserved it (3783)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

#17145702
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36605) - you deserved it (7827)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

#16287224
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43718) - you deserved it (5822)

On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

#16074880
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13524) - you deserved it (57353)

On 05/07/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

#16041715
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15501) - you deserved it (34521)

On 05/04/2011 at 5:11am - misc - by Derps (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, while trying on clothes in Macy's, someone decided to throw some shoes over the wall and into my changing stall. I now have a black eye. FML

#15894245
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29050) - you deserved it (2704)

On 04/23/2011 at 2:12am - health - by rhartnett11 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

#15693395
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11927) - you deserved it (49406)

On 04/08/2011 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38603) - you deserved it (32134)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

#15401904
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46957) - you deserved it (9798)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by HotAsTits (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

#15219004
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36885) - you deserved it (6561)

On 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm - misc - by Spooked (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

#15038049
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33689) - you deserved it (6734)

On 02/19/2011 at 8:12am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

#14802825
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18793) - you deserved it (65223)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by seepeezy32 -

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

#14337359
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39316) - you deserved it (10573)

On 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

#14022064
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27689) - you deserved it (3493)

On 11/29/2010 at 9:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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