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monsterbeats's favorite FMLs
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML
by aprilfools22 / 08/17/2011 at 4:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
by squirrels69ing / 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML
by Anon / 05/07/2011 at 2:08am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Intimacy
Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML
by Derps / 05/04/2011 at 5:11am / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Miscellaneous
by rhartnett11 / 04/23/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Virginia) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/08/2011 at 11:30am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by HotAsTits / 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 8:12am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by seepeezy32 / 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm / Intimacy
Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2010 at 9:03am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy