monsterbeats

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Offline (the 08/24/2015 at 1:55pm)

monsterbeats

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 20 July 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1657
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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monsterbeats's page activity

Visits<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 11:20pm<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 9:39pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 1:30pm<b>746278Ab</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 11:47pm<b>NorwegianCommy</b> - the 09/03/2013 at 1:03am<b>whyisitme12</b> - the 08/29/2013 at 10:46pm<b>PapaMoti</b> - the 08/17/2013 at 10:16pm<b>Zack6849</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 1:20pm<b>badluckdawson</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 10:47pm<b>Capernog</b> - the 06/03/2013 at 6:04am<b>army_of_misfits</b> - the 05/16/2013 at 9:11pm<b>maryiah</b> - the 05/15/2013 at 8:56am<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 3:03pm<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 04/22/2013 at 4:49pm

monsterbeats's FML badges

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monsterbeats's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

by only 10 more hours to go / 01/06/2012 at 6:40am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

by britanyann / 01/05/2012 at 10:45pm / United States / Animals

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

by Imgonnahaveabf / 01/05/2012 at 7:06am / United States / Animals

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

by emsbuffalo / 01/04/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

by blegh / 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

by SetoAyumi / 11/15/2011 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

by yum yogurt / 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

by mimi / 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

by ohgodwhy / 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

by Mandy / 09/16/2011 at 8:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

by Smart / 09/16/2011 at 10:42am / United States / Kids

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

by livgasms / 08/18/2011 at 12:02am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous