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monsterbeats

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monsterbeats
  • Town/Country : New York, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 20 July 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 423
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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monsterbeats's favorite FMLs

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

#18626435
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35657) - you deserved it (6345)

On 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm - intimacy - by blegh (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

#18253335
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26602) - you deserved it (2199)

On 11/15/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by SetoAyumi - United States (California)

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

#18112620
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22571) - you deserved it (15018)

On 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm - misc - by yum yogurt - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

#17843744
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10056) - you deserved it (27699)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:51pm - health - by mimi - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53210) - you deserved it (5251)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

#17773811
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30032) - you deserved it (15039)

On 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm - misc - by ohgodwhy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

#17760005
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19575) - you deserved it (1710)

On 09/16/2011 at 8:25pm - work - by Mandy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

#17757259
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22556) - you deserved it (2498)

On 09/16/2011 at 10:42am - kids - by Smart - United States

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

#17610443
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31524) - you deserved it (2436)

On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

#17505369
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22388) - you deserved it (4172)

On 08/18/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by livgasms - United Kingdom

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22120) - you deserved it (10493)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29707) - you deserved it (3313)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

#17145702
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31795) - you deserved it (7250)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

#16287224
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39731) - you deserved it (5390)

On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)



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