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monsterbeats

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monsterbeats
  • Town/Country : New York, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 20 July 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 421
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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monsterbeats's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

#19152060
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19110) - you deserved it (6133)

On 02/24/2012 at 3:40am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

#19144549
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7742) - you deserved it (25049)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by wobble... - Australia

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20574) - you deserved it (2785)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

#19099160
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23141) - you deserved it (6536)

On 02/17/2012 at 8:25am - misc - by BOOP - United States (Montana)

Today, I received a single, hand-made Valentine's card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

#18988741
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24601) - you deserved it (4850)

On 02/04/2012 at 12:12am - love - by Jayde - United States (Texas)

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

#18983166
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36927) - you deserved it (8388)

On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40565) - you deserved it (3580)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

#18935378
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17087) - you deserved it (3825)

On 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

#18933385
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18467) - you deserved it (3047)

On 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

#18915455
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10411) - you deserved it (20252)

On 01/26/2012 at 11:45am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

#18728006
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25778) - you deserved it (3601)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

#18724362
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26391) - you deserved it (2804)

On 01/06/2012 at 6:40am - intimacy - by only 10 more hours to go (woman) - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

#18721209
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21406) - you deserved it (5595)

On 01/05/2012 at 10:45pm - animals - by britanyann (woman) - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

#18714310
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25786) - you deserved it (2997)

On 01/05/2012 at 7:06am - animals - by Imgonnahaveabf - United States

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

#18703060
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19307) - you deserved it (2526)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:15am - health - by emsbuffalo - United States



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