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monsterbeats's favorite FMLs
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
by ayye_its_nikki / 12/19/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML
by Sexting Parents / 11/15/2012 at 9:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health
by OhLovely / 10/31/2012 at 9:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
by AdamwithanA / 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML
by PerpetuallyHappy / 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/08/2012 at 5:57am / United States / Miscellaneous
by steve / 09/05/2012 at 4:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by Dammit / 07/07/2012 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
by blocked / 05/29/2012 at 6:24pm / United States / Transportation
by Monkeyless / 05/01/2012 at 11:59pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Animals
by anonymous / 04/05/2012 at 5:53pm / United States (Texas) / Geek
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…