monkeyy100

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Offline (the 11/22/2014 at 11:08pm)

monkeyy100

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 September 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4405
  • Number of comments : 53
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About monkeyy100 : ♡

monkeyy100's page activity

Visits<b>rivimatt</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 10:24am<b>arealsexybitch</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 12:12am<b>nfedrichy</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 7:14am<b>desijatt</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 6:08pm<b>JackAtPage</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 8:51pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 11:23pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 11:12pm<b>americanafrican</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 4:54pm<b>Dwarfed</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 11:04pm<b>sarahpavloff</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 11:16pm<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 9:29pm<b>SilkMudah</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 12:38am<b>broncosfan1996</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 12:04am<b>msamake</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 2:14am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 11:45am<b>Nathan23xx</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 11:41pm<b>cooper3991</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 7:32pm<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 2:30am

Fucked!<b>nfedrichy</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 1:14pm<b>Nathan23xx</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 4:41am<b>cooper3991</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 12:32am

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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monkeyy100's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

by prostitott / 05/04/2013 at 3:22am / Kids

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

by anyonmus / 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

by Wow / 04/11/2013 at 8:52am / United States / Love

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

by Evalynne / 04/06/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Work

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

by everyoneheard / 03/28/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

by InfamousLastWord / 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 1:06am / United States / Work

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

by peace out / 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

by yikes / 03/02/2013 at 10:32am / United States / Animals