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monkeyy100

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monkeyy100

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 September 1995 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1281
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About monkeyy100 : ♡

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monkeyy100's favorite FMLs

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46763) - you deserved it (8979)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51044) - you deserved it (4432)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49603) - you deserved it (7019)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67090) - you deserved it (9901)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62758) - you deserved it (13775)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60380) - you deserved it (9124)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60477) - you deserved it (20217)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

#20585643
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37211) - you deserved it (9089)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm - animals - by anyonmus - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38179) - you deserved it (18123)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46865) - you deserved it (4844)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

#20577218
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39635) - you deserved it (19395)

On 04/06/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by Evalynne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

#20564125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33329) - you deserved it (15246)

On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

#20563680
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64277) - you deserved it (16344)

On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79521) - you deserved it (8229)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

#20562509
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37610) - you deserved it (5520)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by InfamousLastWord (woman) - United States



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