About monkeyy100 : I love monkies
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38138) - you deserved it (2505)
On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37116) - you deserved it (6196)
On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)
Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38029) - you deserved it (3465)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41990) - you deserved it (4025)
On 05/16/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by violatedbuttcrack - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47692) - you deserved it (3247)
On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40631) - you deserved it (7846)
On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45173) - you deserved it (3684)
On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (43843) - you deserved it (6056)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56712) - you deserved it (8044)
On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (53419) - you deserved it (10826)
On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (52983) - you deserved it (7579)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54517) - you deserved it (9164)
On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31975) - you deserved it (4439)
On 04/11/2013 at 8:59pm - animals - by anyonmus - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32898) - you deserved it (8929)
On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40603) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
