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monkeyspark's favorite FMLs
Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML
by whatismydadthinking / 08/06/2009 at 4:45am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date night down a dirt road to a field in the middle of nowhere. He packed some blankets, a bottle of wine, and some condoms. He didn't know the dirt road was actually a driveway until all of our clothes were off. FML
by Stars / 08/04/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 2:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Azcrazy / 08/03/2009 at 1:16pm / United States / Work
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
by soembarrassed / 08/02/2009 at 9:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a local concert. The singer from my favorite band stage-dived and I got to catch him. Unfortunately I was the only one to catch him. The next thing I know I'm pinned between him and the concrete floor as he finishes whatever part of the song he was on. He was fine, I hit my head. FML
by epicfail / 08/02/2009 at 4:39am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
by dam01 / 08/02/2009 at 3:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2009 at 12:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML
by ohhmydamn / 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML
by WiltedFlower / 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by verysadasian / 07/30/2009 at 10:21am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom (London) / Kids
by mvp / 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by tony / 07/24/2009 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML
by published_anthropologist / 07/23/2009 at 2:13am / United States / Work