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monkeyspark's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/18/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML
by Michele / 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by volleyballgirl12 / 01/17/2010 at 1:31am / Love
Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML
by Awkward / 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
by dire-rear / 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm / Singapore / Health
by daragnan / 01/10/2010 at 4:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
by PeanutlyDisabled / 01/08/2010 at 2:23am / France / Kids
by Soresack / 01/04/2010 at 8:34am / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I recieved a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three foot range. FML
by lovehurts / 12/28/2009 at 3:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by notgoodenough38 / 12/27/2009 at 5:34pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML
by porkythighs / 12/27/2009 at 9:19am / Singapore / Love
by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
by Nemesis2747 / 12/24/2009 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Love
by samgonzalessb / 12/14/2009 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
by IB6UB9 / 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…