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monkeyforehead

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monkeyforehead

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 January 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1026
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About monkeyforehead : My testicles are sour.

monkeyforehead's page activity

Visits<b>NotANative</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 11:34pm<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 8:15pm<b>saba_ajira</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 7:12am<b>ZY1431</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 12:13am<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:25pm<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 4:00am<b>Dodopy</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 12:55am<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 12:09pm<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 5:58am<b>seeoseek</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 10:04am<b>Eater209</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:07am<b>loooloool</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 1:32pm<b>Just1Ash</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 11:19am<b>SteakfryOne</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 11:11pm<b>julako</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 6:18pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 5:53pm<b>Sjus</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 9:09pm<b>Trollx</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 4:29pm

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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monkeyforehead's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

#6528104
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35877) - you deserved it (5327)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

#6451435
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8373) - you deserved it (25238)

On 11/25/2009 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by NotSoSexy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

#6428684
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27862) - you deserved it (3721)

On 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by OpenWide (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

#6287129
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10363) - you deserved it (48009)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87782) - you deserved it (14676)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

#5364487
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36663) - you deserved it (3337)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:01am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

#4156114
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47881) - you deserved it (4019)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by epicc1584 - United States (Maryland) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52189) - you deserved it (14233)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

#3691268
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85597) - you deserved it (13333)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68313) - you deserved it (4979)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

#3061560
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36743) - you deserved it (8574)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by WhyTheFNot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

#2938815
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46759) - you deserved it (32804)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

#2660481
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55812) - you deserved it (12352)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33132) - you deserved it (144576)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19801) - you deserved it (65311)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)



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