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monkeyforehead

Offline (the 08/01/2015 at 5:53pm) | Search for a member

monkeyforehead

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 January 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1612
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About monkeyforehead : My testicles are sour.

monkeyforehead's page activity

Visits<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 12:23pm<b>jrod9327</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 9:24pm<b>RA91</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 1:48am<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 4:02am<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 9:16pm<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 8:00pm<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 6:46pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 6:26pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 12:58pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 8:41am<b>insanecutie</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 3:16pm<b>vesquivel62</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 11:54pm<b>jordanharris23</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 10:16am<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 3:39am<b>NotANative</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 11:34pm<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 8:15pm<b>saba_ajira</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 7:12am<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:25pm

Fucked!<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 2:53am<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 3:16am

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I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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monkeyforehead's favorite FMLs

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

#7212033
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34795) - you deserved it (2940)

On 01/08/2010 at 2:23am - kids - by PeanutlyDisabled - France

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30948) - you deserved it (7291)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

#6528104
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37036) - you deserved it (5453)

On 11/30/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

#6451435
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9181) - you deserved it (27323)

On 11/25/2009 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by NotSoSexy (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

#6428684
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28859) - you deserved it (3831)

On 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm - love - by OpenWide (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

#6287129
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10440) - you deserved it (48296)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88504) - you deserved it (14745)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

#5364487
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36938) - you deserved it (3350)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:01am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

#4156114
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48907) - you deserved it (4103)

On 07/30/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by epicc1584 - United States (Maryland) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

#4070299
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55328) - you deserved it (14800)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

#3691268
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86552) - you deserved it (13493)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71012) - you deserved it (5228)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

#3061560
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38343) - you deserved it (8819)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by WhyTheFNot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

#2938815
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48411) - you deserved it (33910)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went to the aquarium. We were noticing the fishy smell, and I had made a comment about it. Then my boyfriend slowly, and seductively whispers into my ear, "It sort of reminds me of how you smell." FML

#2660481
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56051) - you deserved it (12418)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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