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monkeyforehead

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monkeyforehead

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 January 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 614
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About monkeyforehead : My testicles are sour.

monkeyforehead's page activity

Visits<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 12:09pm<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 5:58am<b>seeoseek</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 10:04am<b>Eater209</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:07am<b>loooloool</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 1:32pm<b>Just1Ash</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 11:19am<b>SteakfryOne</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 11:11pm<b>julako</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 6:18pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 5:53pm<b>Sjus</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 9:09pm<b>Trollx</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 4:29pm<b>Dodopy</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 11:21pm<b>pbonham</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 11:00pm<b>hellryu</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 1:38am<b>haileyshelton</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 10:29pm<b>RodzillaX</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 6:16pm<b>error404n0tf0und</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 10:04am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 12:34am

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monkeyforehead's favorite FMLs

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

#19449601
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30579) - you deserved it (5090)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:54pm - love - by mista_sandy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a meeting. One of the other members decided to share that their cat had passed away recently. I got an uncontrollable nervous laugh, started crying because I was laughing so hard, and left the room while everyone watched in horror. FML

#19237178
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11541) - you deserved it (19192)

On 03/08/2012 at 12:47am - work - by Honey Badger (woman) - United States

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

#18983166
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41705) - you deserved it (9086)

On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

#18729935
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11817) - you deserved it (54851)

On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML

#18579511
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29760) - you deserved it (7632)

On 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by Cookie (woman) - South Africa

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

#18051286
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41320) - you deserved it (19100)

On 10/23/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by canucks_chick - Canada

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34388) - you deserved it (24568)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at my dental practice, we received a shipment of the stupid flavoured gloves my boss ordered to make the place more "friendly to the kids". I started working in an adult patient's mouth, when he decided to start creepily making out with my fingers. FML

#17661211
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31877) - you deserved it (2641)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:42pm - work - by -- - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

#17652059
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28411) - you deserved it (3036)

On 09/03/2011 at 10:36am - kids - by abby181 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

#17557500
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18762) - you deserved it (50936)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

#17338945
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50593) - you deserved it (9769)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:52am - intimacy - by INside (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

#17241320
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39444) - you deserved it (8388)

On 07/24/2011 at 1:02pm - love - by Lonely (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

#17134448
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39232) - you deserved it (4244)

On 07/16/2011 at 9:28am - kids - by Rejected (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73493) - you deserved it (7666)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

#16700863
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42583) - you deserved it (9282)

On 06/16/2011 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by evomadrid24 - United States (California)



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