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monkeyforehead

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monkeyforehead

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 January 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1230
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About monkeyforehead : My testicles are sour.

monkeyforehead's page activity

Visits<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 9:16pm<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 8:00pm<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 6:46pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 6:26pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 12:58pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 8:41am<b>insanecutie</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 3:16pm<b>vesquivel62</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 11:54pm<b>jordanharris23</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 10:16am<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 3:39am<b>NotANative</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 11:34pm<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 8:15pm<b>saba_ajira</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 7:12am<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:25pm<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 4:00am<b>Dodopy</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 12:55am<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 12:09pm<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 5:58am

Liked!<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 3:16am

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monkeyforehead's favorite FMLs

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48884) - you deserved it (6393)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

#20859193
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44260) - you deserved it (3397)

On 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm - misc - by grossedout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49707) - you deserved it (9280)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

#20825949
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49568) - you deserved it (40515)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44033) - you deserved it (13926)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

#20822001
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48746) - you deserved it (4919)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by Serum - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68520) - you deserved it (9023)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54900) - you deserved it (6349)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57328) - you deserved it (6791)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53063) - you deserved it (9159)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55153) - you deserved it (7763)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

#20763424
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38142) - you deserved it (4507)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

#20749135
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57882) - you deserved it (6482)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by the_lonely_life - United States



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