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monkeyforehead

Offline (23 hours ago) | Search for a member

monkeyforehead

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 January 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1608
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About monkeyforehead : My testicles are sour.

monkeyforehead's page activity

Visits<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 12:23pm<b>jrod9327</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 9:24pm<b>RA91</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 1:48am<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 4:02am<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 9:16pm<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 8:00pm<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 6:46pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 6:26pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 12:58pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 8:41am<b>insanecutie</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 3:16pm<b>vesquivel62</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 11:54pm<b>jordanharris23</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 10:16am<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 3:39am<b>NotANative</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 11:34pm<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 8:15pm<b>saba_ajira</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 7:12am<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:25pm

Fucked!<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 2:53am<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 3:16am

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I like your style

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monkeyforehead's favorite FMLs

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44673) - you deserved it (8539)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42126) - you deserved it (17656)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65672) - you deserved it (32883)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38502) - you deserved it (4411)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

#21029770
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53095) - you deserved it (11941)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45286) - you deserved it (23573)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44580) - you deserved it (5345)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45866) - you deserved it (3129)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

#20927261
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59874) - you deserved it (4565)

On 10/20/2013 at 9:02am - intimacy - by Female_Lucifer (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54199) - you deserved it (3438)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52908) - you deserved it (7315)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia



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