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Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35689) - you deserved it (5307)
On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (44791) - you deserved it (7769)
On 06/26/2009 at 10:22am - love - by shouldhaveknown (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53746) - you deserved it (12787)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:32am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (123352) - you deserved it (18308)
On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (148587) - you deserved it (46703)
On 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (93889) - you deserved it (4010)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10052) - you deserved it (59851)
On 04/07/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by gotmon3y (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (15766) - you deserved it (58241)
On 04/04/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by bezoar10 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42613) - you deserved it (485653)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (185114) - you deserved it (21614)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21501) - you deserved it (55973)
On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (178130) - you deserved it (61486)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38927) - you deserved it (2670)
On 02/16/2009 at 6:01pm - love - by tacky_unrefined (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34118) - you deserved it (5337)
On 02/16/2009 at 10:05am - misc - by mags (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33891) - you deserved it (3867)
On 02/12/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by atterz123 (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)
Monday 20 May 2013
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