Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

monkeybanana

Search for a member

monkeybanana
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1082
  • Number of comments : 72
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About monkeybanana : Hiiii :)

monkeybanana's last visitors

sanghera43CoGhostRiderJazzy9999swick25alexmac222grogers311sallee23444jolie21sarah1024meowwrongnotacat

monkeybanana's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of monkeybanana's badges

monkeybanana's favorite FMLs

Today, my 7 year old looks at me and states, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

#7050421
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23976) - you deserved it (9893)

On 12/31/2009 at 2:39am - kids - by Missyangel (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

#6989105
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8189) - you deserved it (30640)

On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

#6712676
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10273) - you deserved it (34793)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

#5954141
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9765) - you deserved it (39482)

On 10/23/2009 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

#5877421
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40355) - you deserved it (4349)

On 10/18/2009 at 11:27am - kids - by hairdresser (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I got my period. 10 minutes into a 3 hour exam. Apparently they are serious when they say you may not leave the room under any circumstances. FML

#5310287
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49788) - you deserved it (3252)

On 09/17/2009 at 9:59am - health - by cramps (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML

#4789258
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39131) - you deserved it (6534)

On 08/24/2009 at 5:27pm - love - by NotCuteEnough (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

#4582506
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11423) - you deserved it (29020)

On 08/16/2009 at 9:00pm - misc - by Ricky (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

#4572721
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55100) - you deserved it (9620)

On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

#4465464
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58208) - you deserved it (8644)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

#4420726
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13985) - you deserved it (50451)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:12am - love - by HouseMdFangirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

#4381633
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8995) - you deserved it (56031)

On 08/08/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML

#4332436
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40084) - you deserved it (6476)

On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

#3237223
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49963) - you deserved it (9720)

On 06/26/2009 at 10:22am - love - by shouldhaveknown (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: