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monkeybanana's favorite FMLs
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
by danonno / 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by say my name / 06/30/2012 at 9:35pm / Intimacy
Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML
by cmck932012 / 06/26/2012 at 2:18am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by SwimmingInFear / 05/28/2012 at 11:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
by Kayla / 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm / United States / Health
Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML
by stainseverywhere / 02/01/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by bathtime / 12/20/2011 at 11:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
by lebato97 / 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 4:38am / United States (California) / Love
by The fat and the ugly / 10/27/2011 at 2:56pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/17/2011 at 4:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love
by SinkyBalls / 08/29/2011 at 11:56pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…