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mommyhutch's FML badges
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mommyhutch's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/30/2015 at 8:56am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML
by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous
by gassy / 12/29/2012 at 4:32am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML
by radioinvader / 10/28/2012 at 8:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML
by Ceej / 10/28/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by whoslade / 06/28/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by N / 05/07/2012 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by Damn / 05/06/2012 at 9:53am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 12:28pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
by authorsubmit / 05/04/2012 at 8:49am / United States / Health
Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML
by JurassicHole / 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm / United States / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…