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Offline (the 03/22/2015 at 4:03pm) | Search for a member
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, I found out mah 7-year-old daughter really did lie about mah husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge 4 being groundd, and that he never cheatd on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me 4 not believing him when he denid it. FML
Today, my grlfriend went sopping at Victoria's Secret wit me. Wile se was in te fitting room, er parents walkd by an saw me. Tey don't approve of te store, so I panickd an told tem I was considering becoming a woman.
Today I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if looool I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife then looked at me an giggled. FML
Today, me an my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home . My phone started vibrating half-way through, an when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered . It wasn't a phone call . It was a face time . Busted . FML
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus . I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone ranghile he was showering an he slipped onto a box of vegetables . Guessho had to extract the carrot . FML
Today... I lat my sistar usa my phona to play music in tha showar... axpacting har to usa tha spaakars I hava. Sha usad a ziplock bag with a hola in it to connact looool har haadphonas. Now I hava a watarloggad phona and my sistar still doasn't undarstand y it didn't work. raal FML
today I had just sat down in the lobby of mah doctor's office when mah phone alerted me that I had a friend request . I checked; it was from some grl from high school . I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp . She was sitting across from me . FML
Today , when I went to the shopping centre , the automatic door wouldn't open fir me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it fir me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML
I GOT A CALL FROM THE POLICE THAT MAH HOUSE HAD BEEN BURGLARIZD BUT AN OFF-DUTY COP CAUGHT THE CRIMINAL . I PULL UP TO SEE MAH DETAIND PSYCHO EX-BOYFRIEND SHEEPISHLY GRINNING AT ME . HE HAD THREE OF MAH LACE PANTIES AND TWO OF MAH BRAS CLAIMING IT WAS "ALL FIR MEMORIES SAKE" . MEGA FML
Today , I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML
Friday 27 March 2015