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mnae1622's favorite FMLs
by FirstDaddy / 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML
by STOP / 05/08/2014 at 9:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML
by cat whisperer / 03/20/2014 at 12:31am / United States / Animals
by unloved cat owner / 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (California) / Animals
by fuck you right back, cockspit / 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML
by mariology / 12/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Delaware) / Work
Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML
by why god / 11/25/2013 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
by kittkatt1 / 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML
by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
by nl4 / 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health
Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML
by bobosgonnagetyou / 11/01/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Health
by cantcloselegs / 10/20/2013 at 8:39am / United States / Health
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2013 at 3:13am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 6:03pm / Iceland (Borgarfjardarsysla) / Health
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…