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  • Number of visits : 414
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mmtiki's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21051) - you deserved it (2713)

On 10/28/2015 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23448) - you deserved it (1684)

On 09/27/2015 at 8:21am - work - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out the real cause of what I assumed was a healthy increase in my teenage daughter's appetite lately. Some fine young gentlemen with a fat fetish convinced her start gaining weight so they could jack off to her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25613) - you deserved it (1847)

On 09/18/2015 at 1:03pm - kids - by bluep313 - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML


Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21552) - you deserved it (7189)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49222) - you deserved it (5430)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML


I agree, your life sucks (42793) - you deserved it (2511)

On 09/20/2011 at 7:54pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML


I agree, your life sucks (29897) - you deserved it (5937)

On 03/06/2010 at 8:05am - kids - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38297) - you deserved it (11953)

On 12/23/2009 at 11:05am - kids - by meep (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML


I agree, your life sucks (16215) - you deserved it (45195)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:30am - work - by DrGas (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15535) - you deserved it (51031)

On 08/29/2009 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by SOdamnNervous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55977) - you deserved it (3043)

On 06/21/2009 at 8:05am - intimacy - by Steph (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52444) - you deserved it (22424)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (283387) - you deserved it (51631)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States

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