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mkr5014

Offline (the 08/29/2014 at 11:24pm) | Search for a member

mkr5014

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  • Number of visits : 128
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mkr5014's page activity

Visits<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 9:30am<b>odamaliekh</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 6:05pm

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mkr5014's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

#21148414
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49105) - you deserved it (6065)

On 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by stillaproudfather (man) - United States

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

#21056743
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42980) - you deserved it (9041)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:16pm - animals - by alii2349 - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49078) - you deserved it (7593)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44258) - you deserved it (4970)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

#20889279
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42108) - you deserved it (9737)

On 09/20/2013 at 6:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47484) - you deserved it (4076)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55036) - you deserved it (7749)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally realized how depressed I am when I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. FML

#19957944
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31424) - you deserved it (2513)

On 07/19/2012 at 5:01am - health - by Epiphany (man) - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

#17145702
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34597) - you deserved it (7589)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

#6285234
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24907) - you deserved it (5902)

On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

#1076233
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45943) - you deserved it (15230)

On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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