mjparker18

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Offline (the 04/17/2015 at 4:01pm)

mjparker18

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 18 February 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 608
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mjparker18's page activity

Visits<b>loveyoubabe77</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 11:14pm<b>cmchappy</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 8:06am<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 10:06pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 1:56am<b>Derpina00</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 8:51pm<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 7:51pm<b>Reprocess</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 3:01pm<b>DoubleDie7</b> - the 12/17/2013 at 3:28am<b>alijo1414</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 1:24pm<b>FamousPeace</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 1:31pm<b>kingteefteef</b> - the 10/03/2013 at 11:12am<b>jw90</b> - the 10/03/2013 at 12:06am<b>cskipgolfer2013</b> - the 09/27/2013 at 9:01pm<b>dktanker</b> - the 09/27/2013 at 3:15am<b>zombombaby</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 2:16pm<b>Gaajan44</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 1:15am<b>migueljm5</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 4:04am<b>taylor21398</b> - the 08/30/2013 at 11:55pm

Fucked!<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 4:42am

mjparker18's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of mjparker18's badges

mjparker18's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

by wondercat40 / 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 11:20am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

by sydneyp3435 / 06/11/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid witnessing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 11:20am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Love

Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML

by windshitwipers / 05/30/2013 at 5:41am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

by Abrams52 / 05/28/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

by fuck you retail / 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

by Devin / 05/19/2013 at 1:26am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 8:01am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love