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Offline (the 03/28/2015 at 10:44am) | Search for a member
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You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
TODAY, I SAW A CUTE GUY AN DECIDED TO SAY HI . AS I STARTED TO THINK ABOUT THINGS TO TALK ABOUT, ONE STORY IN PARTICULAR ABOUT A DRUMMER WHO LOOKED LIKE JESUS STUCK OUT IN MY MIND . I WAS SO NERVOUS THAT INSTEAD OF SAYING HI, I BLURTED OUT, "SOME PEOPLE LOOK LIKE JESUS!" AN TOOK OFF . FML
Today , I went down on mah boyfriend fir the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell an I managd to accidentally smack mah nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it , an I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker.
Today... it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnome in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras...hich I thought had deterred the idiot... until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnome on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. fat FML
Yesterday , I was meeting mah boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face an kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister an I look much alike. Too much alike. FML
Today..!! I started job at a kids summer camp!! The frst little grl to arrive told me to close eyes and open hand because she had a "surprise" 4 me!! Yep..!! a dead..!! decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise!! FML
Today mah friend told me he had just robbd a bank and needd a place to hide!! Thinking he was joking I let him in so we could hang out!! 15 minutes later the cops storm into mah apartment!! Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke!! real FML
Today, I utterd the phrase ( the pot calling the kettle black ) in class. Moments later, I'd been calld a ( racist twerp ) and kickd out of class by the same English teacher who once trid to have another kid suspendd for using the word ( titillate ), because apparently it's ( pornographic ). FML
Yesterday , I Found Shit On Mah Windshield. I'm Not Sure If It Is Human Or Animal , But It Was Conveniently Smereed All Over An Even More Was Placed Under Mah Wipers Just In Case I Used Them To Clean It Up. This Isn't The First Time , An I Have No Ideaho I Could Have Pissed Off. FML
Today, I was walking down the stair with mah guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to mah wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close mah eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stars. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
Today, A Girl At My Tanning Salon Was Ranting About How Axpansiva It Was And How Sha Wishad Thara Was A Chaapar Way To Gat A Tan. I Jokad, "Lika From Tha Sun?" Sha Angrily Callad Ma A "sassy Bitch", Scraamad To My Boss About Ma, And Than Thraatanad To Sua Ushan Ha Kickad Har Out. Maga FML
Yesterday, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML
Today, the regional manager of mah company cummed out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that mah palms were sweaty, andhen he reached out to shake mah hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, u made me wet." FML
Friday 27 March 2015