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mje360's favorite FMLs
by trice / 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by beyondembarrassed / 05/05/2013 at 1:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML
by rent-a-cop / 05/05/2013 at 12:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML
by immovingout / 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML
by SecondBest,IGuess / 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy
by Good Luck Chuck / 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health
by unforgettablee / 04/29/2013 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was excited for my first date in a while, with a "tall handsome business man." Turns out he "doesn't feel emotions anymore", likes getting peed on, and "doesn't do condoms." Thanks, internet dating. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2013 at 11:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML
by pleasekillme / 04/19/2013 at 7:44am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
by fucklife / 04/16/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
by ouch / 04/16/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML
by notacaveman / 04/16/2013 at 9:27am / Netherlands / Intimacy
Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML
by moosy0_o / 04/07/2013 at 3:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Money
- Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed.… Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend… Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass…