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Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27578) - you totally deserved it (3962)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21429) - you totally deserved it (7601)
On 01/05/2010 at 5:03pm - love - by leigh2812 - Sent from a mobile version
Today, whilst at my boyfriend's family get together, his cousin got really drunk and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend's mother, who clearly said "hopefully never." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21652) - you totally deserved it (1105)
On 01/03/2010 at 1:53am - love - by embarrassed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends including my mom "Liked" this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33177) - you totally deserved it (12685)
On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball strangely rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14636) - you totally deserved it (45099)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you totally deserved it (7497)
On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26966) - you totally deserved it (12889)
On 07/05/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by shit... (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24301) - you totally deserved it (46035)
On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, Michael Jackson died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75567) - you totally deserved it (51580)
On 06/25/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38200) - you totally deserved it (6727)
On 06/20/2009 at 4:02am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7163) - you totally deserved it (185260)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was vacuuming my car and started to joke around with my six year old brother by sucking up his shirt and hair with the vacuum. I accidently sucked up his penis. My mom has caught him three times with the vacuum now. I turned my brother into a pervert. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24031) - you totally deserved it (38038)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:12am - kids - by Perv (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
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On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - misc - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56316) - you totally deserved it (2358)
On 06/05/2009 at 5:42pm - health - by Michael (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had a really big debate in my English Class about the legalization of weed. My group had to state reasons why weed shouldn't be legal and no one except me had prepared. My partner came to class totally stoned. Our group lost the debate. We got a F. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35684) - you totally deserved it (4523)
On 06/01/2009 at 2:52am - misc - by crazyjohnny - United States (California)
