Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

mitchumcrew

Offline (yesterday at 3:56pm) | Search for a member

mitchumcrew

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 14 November 1988 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 875
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

mitchumcrew's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 3:39pm<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 5:27pm<b>moron011</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 8:57am<b>lhuss12</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 11:03pm<b>chloebrynn</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 12:38am<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 7:37pm<b>King_paradox</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 7:26pm<b>patriot7</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 8:46am

mitchumcrew's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of mitchumcrew's badges

mitchumcrew's favorite FMLs

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

#21483245
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25545) - you deserved it (3564)

On 10/23/2015 at 12:05am - work - by Embarrassed ass. (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized that having an open relationship isn't all that great, when my boyfriend hooked up with his ex and dumped me for her. FML

#21303284
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28964) - you deserved it (18414)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:56am - love - by openended - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend..." FML

#21229506
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43394) - you deserved it (8908)

On 08/04/2014 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

#21222062
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56681) - you deserved it (6770)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54531) - you deserved it (6750)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48905) - you deserved it (35740)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59766) - you deserved it (29689)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14204) - you deserved it (31803)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21479) - you deserved it (40399)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

#19249399
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (19469)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

#19196549
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9702) - you deserved it (57359) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by BadIdea - France

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

#19121562
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33337) - you deserved it (6323)

On 02/20/2012 at 9:23am - intimacy - by Gabi - United States (New Jersey)

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

#19026330
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28396) - you deserved it (2509)

On 02/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

#18802490
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30315) - you deserved it (9156)

On 01/14/2012 at 1:52am - intimacy - by haggisbowl - United States



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: