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missemilywrites

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missemilywrites

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  • Number of visits : 2571
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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missemilywrites's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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missemilywrites's favorite FMLs

Today, at my sister's wedding, I got my 15 month old son to 'sign' the big guest book. I gave him a pen and was hoping for a cute little squiggle or something. But no, he managed to draw something that looked uncannily like a big swastika. FML

#21459659
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12650) - you deserved it (12102)

On 08/23/2015 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

#21459236
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19567) - you deserved it (5707)

On 08/22/2015 at 8:21am - work - by BryanTazed - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

#21459180
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21812) - you deserved it (2589)

On 08/22/2015 at 3:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

#21459109
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18501) - you deserved it (7084)

On 08/21/2015 at 11:55pm - misc - by FishFlingingMonkey (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

#21457543
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21028) - you deserved it (3130)

On 08/18/2015 at 9:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27488) - you deserved it (2399)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

#21189564
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47071) - you deserved it (4596)

On 06/26/2014 at 8:07pm - work - by E.B. (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

#21160529
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52872) - you deserved it (4379)

On 06/02/2014 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44377) - you deserved it (3601)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

#21129302
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25958) - you deserved it (34324)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:57am - misc - by EggHead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received does not actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing balance and slamming my injured toe into objects and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

#21128289
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43962) - you deserved it (4502)

On 05/01/2014 at 8:23pm - health - by pained (woman) - United States

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

#21127873
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49756) - you deserved it (4537)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44028) - you deserved it (7045)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)



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