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missemilywrites

Offline (the 11/13/2015 at 12:17am) | Search for a member

missemilywrites

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 3193
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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missemilywrites's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of missemilywrites's badges

missemilywrites's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

#21491595
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27925) - you deserved it (2974)

On 11/12/2015 at 4:09am - intimacy - by notyourmummy (woman) - United Kingdom (Isle of Wight)

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

#21490914
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18734) - you deserved it (7710)

On 11/10/2015 at 5:34pm - misc - by a non e mouse - United States (Indiana)

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

#21488178
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24958) - you deserved it (1643)

On 11/03/2015 at 10:24pm - animals - by damaged - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

#21482809
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29026) - you deserved it (2670)

On 10/21/2015 at 10:52pm - love - by kaitiem224 - United States (Kansas)

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

#21478471
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28315) - you deserved it (3553)

On 10/11/2015 at 12:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in the middle of a presentation, I fought a shart, but the shart won. FML

#21477505
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24881) - you deserved it (2652)

On 10/08/2015 at 11:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after months of running up four flights of stairs to what I thought was the only male restroom in the building, I found another one. It's always been just around the corner from my desk. FML

Today, I tried taking a shortcut through a nature trail, hoping to save myself some time getting back to my car. I ended up getting lost for nearly 3 hours and getting to work nearly 2 hours late. FML

#21473204
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18997) - you deserved it (11664)

On 09/27/2015 at 5:53am - work - by Me (man) - Australia

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

#21473108
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21490) - you deserved it (5228)

On 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm - misc - by oops - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I wrote a song for my boyfriend on paper. The first thing he did was correct my grammar. FML

#21473096
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20616) - you deserved it (7964)

On 09/26/2015 at 9:47pm - love - by Ally - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

#21473001
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32174) - you deserved it (5758)

On 09/26/2015 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by erphy21 - United States (California)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML

#21472776
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27848) - you deserved it (3992)

On 09/26/2015 at 12:10am - kids - by :| (woman) - New Zealand (Nelson)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

#21472609
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24318) - you deserved it (2742)

On 09/25/2015 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by Enanimus (man) - United States (California)

Today, with the most certainty and confidence that I have ever seen in her, my 16-year-old daughter told me an egg is a fruit because of its "hard shell and growing seed." FML

#21472478
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23125) - you deserved it (2573)

On 09/25/2015 at 1:42am - kids - by Failed_Dad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

#21470966
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29280) - you deserved it (2982)

On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia (New South Wales)



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