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miss_madison's favorite FMLs
Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML
by Simms / 03/13/2012 at 10:32pm / United States / Work
Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML
by Saw / 02/10/2012 at 9:14pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 02/10/2012 at 8:06pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
by rapper in training / 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by davidh5012 / 11/27/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Habit / 10/19/2011 at 6:42pm / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Work
by The captain / 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2011 at 7:38pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by chaoticnh / 06/24/2011 at 5:57am / Austria / Health
Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML
by Dana / 05/10/2011 at 4:36am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy
Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML
by LimpMcgee / 02/06/2011 at 9:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
by freedomofmusic / 11/14/2010 at 1:54pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love
by MissTrix / 10/28/2010 at 8:58pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Geek
Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML
by gimmeabreak0_o / 06/18/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by mperrotta913 / 05/21/2010 at 11:46am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy