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mishkaroni's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
by PicturePerfect / 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came to work, to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML
by oh_mylanta / 03/02/2009 at 4:10am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML
by lifesucks / 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML
by Ren / 02/24/2009 at 5:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML
by Lily / 02/21/2009 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML
by ohh jeez. / 02/20/2009 at 9:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML
by muffinmen1022 / 02/20/2009 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML
by wow / 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by kprice6 / 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML
by fonsui / 02/01/2009 at 7:11pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML
Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML
by DarkPhoenix / 12/04/2008 at 6:16am / Miscellaneous
Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML
by lovely-sweet / 11/27/2008 at 7:34am / Miscellaneous
- Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort… Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman.… Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the…