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mishkaroni's favorite FMLs
by Bee / 06/07/2011 at 8:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
by zain / 06/04/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML
by ryjacs / 06/03/2011 at 4:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/17/2011 at 2:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by mariet / 02/11/2011 at 1:13am / United States / Health
Today, I was at a movie theater. I heard some obnoxious people talking in front of me. After about 5 minutes, I began throwing popcorn at a group of suspected people. As I was escorted out, I realized that the obnoxious people were in the background of the movie. FML
by escortedout / 10/23/2010 at 7:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML
by northernlass / 09/20/2010 at 12:47am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by SMS123 / 06/25/2010 at 3:42pm / United States / Love
by anonymous / 06/18/2010 at 1:25pm / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML
by swaiteATC / 07/28/2009 at 12:11am / United States (Mississippi) / Health
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML
by Nanny / 04/30/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by kas / 04/30/2009 at 1:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
- Today, my boss sat me down for my evaluation. Not only did she have nothing good to say because she… Today, I painted and repaired two bookcases for my Grandma. As I was putting it all back together… Today, my live in boyfriend has been giving me the silent treatment for the last three days because…