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mirandaelcraig's FML badges
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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
mirandaelcraig's favorite FMLs
Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML
by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML
by frozensolid / 01/24/2013 at 4:25pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Transportation
by sarah6786 / 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by lesson.learned / 01/21/2013 at 4:39pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Love
by airbiscuit / 01/21/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
by black and yellow / 01/21/2013 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
by bull-stuff / 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML
Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML
by Mizzaroo / 01/17/2013 at 1:38am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Hawaii) / Health
by itsjustwill / 01/16/2013 at 7:35pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
by Kallian / 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
by SF49 / 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm / United States / Health
Today, I was at the doctor's for a regular check-up. When my appointment was over and I was about to walk out, she yelled across the room in front of everyone, "Oh and if you could lose some weight, that'd be great." FML
by ChubbyButt / 01/16/2013 at 5:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my… Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked… Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!''…