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minorcrisis's favorite FMLs
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by bigbum / 11/04/2012 at 4:50am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by scarred_sibling / 10/15/2012 at 8:10am / United States / Intimacy
by lalalalainie / 10/13/2012 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Health
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health
by tuggernuts / 07/17/2012 at 11:32am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
by smh / 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML
by I Don't Exorcise / 05/09/2012 at 11:34pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
by blocked_by_fire / 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by funnymanjoe / 09/14/2011 at 7:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Nick / 02/11/2010 at 1:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML
by Kyokushin / 06/03/2009 at 10:15am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I discovered our dog anxiety-sharts in his sleep. I found this out after a couple nights of… Today, I laid out an exercise and diet plan for the rest of the year. Today was also the day a guy… Today, I found out my sister is so cheap she used all the gas I put in the car to drive to the city…