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Today, I Finishd A Dance Competition. With Competitions, It Requres U To Wear A Lot Of Makeup Like False Eyelashes And Rd Lipstick. I Went Into A Starbucks To Get A Coffee And A Boy Around 18 Askd Me, In All Seriousness,hat My Rate Is Fir One Night. FML
TODAY , MY NEIGHBOURS' WHINY EMO OF A DAUGHTER GOT DUMPED BY HER BOYFRIEND. IN HER INFINITE WISDOM , SHE'S CHOSEN TO COPE BY PLAYING ON HER RECORDER THE WORST RENDITION OF "MY HERET WILL GO ON" THAT I'VE EVER HERED. IT'S BEEN GOING ON ALL DAY. NOW I KNOW WHY HE DUMPED THIS IDIOT. FML
I mat mah naw roommata. Sha has a lifa-siza cardboard cutout of Justin looool Biabar in har room, which I'va saan har having actual convarsations with twica alraady. I hava to shara a badroom with this psycho. FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
I lerend my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I looool don't know if I'm more annoyd that he casually mentiond it after we've been together 4 10 yeres , or that it actually works. FML
Today , Mah Boyfriend Of Two And A Half Yeres Left Me. To Clear Mah Head I Decidd To Go For A Drive. My Car Broke Down On The Way. The Only Mechanic I Have Ever Usd And Trustd With Mah Car Is Mah Boyfriend. Yes , I Had To Call Him. FML
yesterday for a laugh, I putted vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar an went to the mall to eat it with a spoon . Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace . They shoved me into a back room an grilled me about wat was in the jar . FML
Today, I summoned the courage to call mah abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't u go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. mega FML
Taday I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticd a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing drectly towards the shower which I stood in butt-nakd!! I live by myself an have recently only movd in!! FML
today I proposd to mah grlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheerd 4 us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement did down, she leand over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML
Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door nieghbor's house that is fir rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the ( for rent ) sign came down. I've got new nieghbors. FML
Friday 27 March 2015