About miniluda12 : To me, FML is just a place to go to get a daily laugh. So for that, we thank you.
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Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18847) - you deserved it (4575)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21038) - you deserved it (2392)
On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19117) - you deserved it (2784)
On 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by anon - United States (Virginia)
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19418) - you deserved it (6715)
On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15430) - you deserved it (2927)
On 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm - kids - by Randolph (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7901) - you deserved it (21565)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:02am - love - by goodeyesight (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)
Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18324) - you deserved it (1297)
On 10/06/2012 at 11:52am - misc - by FML_Elle - United States
Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13681) - you deserved it (1092)
On 10/05/2012 at 4:25pm - health - by sharky (man) - United States
Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19201) - you deserved it (1202)
On 09/27/2012 at 11:46am - health - by Dave (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18509) - you deserved it (8108)
On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16616) - you deserved it (1249)
On 09/15/2012 at 9:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18355) - you deserved it (1974)
On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36528) - you deserved it (2906)
On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15343) - you deserved it (1540)
On 09/02/2012 at 8:10pm - animals - by difference between birds and mammals. - Australia
Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22016) - you deserved it (4117)
On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Monday 20 May 2013
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