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TODAY, MAH PARENTS POSTED ON FACEBOOK THAT THEY WERE EXCITED THAT MAH SISTER WAS PREGNANT AND COULDN'T WAIT TO BE GRANDPARENTS. LAST WEEK I TOLD THEM THAT I, A 33-YEAR-OLD HAPPILY MARRIED WOMAN, WAS PREGNANT AND THEY TOLD ME I WAS RUINING MAH LIFE AND ENCOURAGED ME TO HAVE AN ABORTION. FML
Today my wife gave brth to a beautiful babby grl . She's perfect in every way except fir her brth mark . It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo . mega FML
Today, mah cockgoblin of an ex showed up at mah house, begging me to take him back . This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me looool into sleeping with him after he "escaped" . When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch . FML
Today, I reconnected with mah best friend from childhood, an after a tereful confession, found out that fir most of mah engagement to mah husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. mega FML
Today looool I woka up without my fiancé in bad naxt to ma but I assumad ha'd gona to work aarly. I want on Facabook to find that ha had postad a braak-up post to himsalf from my account an sat my status to singla. I than found a nota with "Sorry" writtan on it stuck to tha kitchan countar. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 yeres with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 yeres old, and we've lived together 4 the past four yeres. FML
Today.. . I woke up to the sound of mah newborn screaming . I frantically hoppd out of bd an stumbld into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of mah five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfed her understandably frustratd little brother . FML
TODAY , MY NEIGHBOURS' WHINY EMO OF A DAUGHTER GOT DUMPED BY HER BOYFRIEND. IN HER INFINITE WISDOM , SHE'S CHOSEN TO COPE BY PLAYING ON HER RECORDER THE WORST RENDITION OF "MY HERET WILL GO ON" THAT I'VE EVER HERED. IT'S BEEN GOING ON ALL DAY. NOW I KNOW WHY HE DUMPED THIS IDIOT. FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
Today I walkd into ta living room to find ma 11-yaar-old daugtar about to kiss ar ( not ma boyfriand ) on ta lips. Wan I askd wat sa tougt sa was doing sa paald a piaca of scotc tapa off ar lips and said ( It's okay! Wa'ra using protaction. ) FML
Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015