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I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, As My Grlfriend Was Dropping Me Home, Our Goodbye Kiss Got Kind Of Heavy. Still Parkd In My Drive, We Had Fast, Frenzid Sex. After, We Realisd That She Had Never Put The Hand Brake On And That We Had Rolld Down My Drive, Blocking My Dadho Was Patiently Waiting To Pull In. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonighthere I will be honored 4 my political activism. She made it clear she's only going 4 me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML
Today... I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is... until I recieved a text message from my little sister next door reading ( If she is making that much noise... she is probably faking it...Trust me... I know. ) FML
TODAY, I WAS AT A BAR WITH MY FRIENDS FOR MY 19TH BIRTHDAY WHEN I SAW MY DAD GRINDING SOME CHICK THAT WAS NOT MY MOM. I CONFRONTD HIM AN TOLD HIM I WAS TELLING MOM. HE THEN POINTD ACROSS THE BAR TO MY MOM WITH ANOTHER MAN. I JUST FOUND OUT MY PARENTS R SWINGERS. FML
I WAS AT A FRIEND'S PARTY . HER NEIGHBOR AN I REALLY HIT IT OFF . WE WENT OFF INTO THE WOODS AN LEFT EVERYONE, INCLUDING HER PARENTS, AT THE BONFIRE . WE STARTED HOOKING UPHEN MY FRIEND RAN OVER . APPARENTLY THEY COULD SEE EVERYTHING . WE HAD ON GLOW STICK NECKLACES AN BRACELETS . FML
Today... mah daughter askd me what is the youngest age at which u should start having sex. Bieng a good mom... I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been marrid. My daughter then said... ( Oh... shoot... ) and walkd away. My daughter is twelve. fat FML
2DAY I FINALLY HAD SEX WITH A GIRL I'VE BEEN DATING FIR OVER A MONTH. BEFORE WE GOT STARTED SHE TOLD ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT THE BIRTH CONTROL BECAUSE SHE COULD HANDLE THAT. SO AFTER WE FINISHED I ASKED HERHAT KIND OF BIRTH CONTROL SHE USED. SHE SAID SHE MEDITATED. FML
2day Mah Husband An I Were Having Sex In The Shower While Our 5-year Old Was Sleeping. Apparently , She Wasn't Sleeping An She Askd Me What Those Loud Noises Were. I Told Her I Was Singing. Now I Can't Get Her To Stop "singing" In The Shower. FML
Taday my cousin and I found out that when a grl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. mega FML
Taday I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler . I wantd to point out he was a very good speaker, and looool could incite a crowd . Instead,hat cummd out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
Today, grlfriend of 2 years an I decided to have sex fir the frst time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To looool make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015