millertime911

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Offline (the 08/04/2015 at 12:54am)

millertime911

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : ,
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 September 1975 (40 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 483
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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millertime911's page activity

Visits<b>Winchester1990</b> - 24 hours ago<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 11:38pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 1:11pm<b>Kuibe</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 7:29pm<b>deejflat</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 5:49pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 11:53pm<b>januswraith6</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:46pm<b>Joseph24689</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 6:09pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 5:49pm<b>xWhymex123</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 8:38am<b>MrsKilown</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 11:26pm<b>jacky75</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 9:08am<b>LilyLi</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 7:26pm<b>codytallica</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:47am<b>yehyeh</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 7:29pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 11:26am<b>Burton_Forever</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 12:39am<b>sushies1</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 11:00am

Fucked!<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 11:59am<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:17am<b>sushies1</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 6:10am

millertime911's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of millertime911's badges

millertime911's favorite FMLs

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

by lehonX9 / 06/06/2015 at 5:11am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

by pleasedie / 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2015 at 3:26pm / Love

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

by Like mother like daughter / 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

by sammy18f / 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm / Work

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

by anonymous / 11/04/2014 at 7:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

by not on life, that's for fucking sure / 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm / United States / Work

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

by bye loser / 10/20/2014 at 5:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Kids

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Kids

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

by TCRII / 07/23/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.