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millertime911

Offline (the 08/04/2015 at 12:54am) | Search for a member

millertime911

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : ,
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 11 September 1975 (39 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 288
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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millertime911's page activity

Visits<b>januswraith6</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 2:46pm<b>Joseph24689</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 6:09pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 5:49pm<b>xWhymex123</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 8:38am<b>MrsKilown</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 11:26pm<b>jacky75</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 9:08am<b>LilyLi</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 7:26pm<b>codytallica</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:47am<b>yehyeh</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 7:29pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 11:26am<b>Burton_Forever</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 12:39am<b>sushies1</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 11:00am<b>Wrex</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 11:26am<b>black_day</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 7:26am<b>Codyfootball</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 11:25pm<b>aron1991</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 3:59am<b>sprinkle90</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 10:29pm<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 5:29pm

Fucked!<b>sushies1</b> - the 12/24/2014 at 6:10am

millertime911's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of millertime911's badges

millertime911's favorite FMLs

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33716) - you deserved it (2466)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31789) - you deserved it (2304)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

#21421662
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27507) - you deserved it (8552)

On 06/06/2015 at 5:11am - misc - by lehonX9 (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34539) - you deserved it (6212)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

#21402940
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14898) - you deserved it (30167)

On 05/01/2015 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37152) - you deserved it (8188)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39493) - you deserved it (3471)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

#21314442
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33548) - you deserved it (5687)

On 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

#21291810
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48633) - you deserved it (7942)

On 11/04/2014 at 7:03am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

#21285028
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35095) - you deserved it (4713)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm - work - by not on life, that's for fucking sure (man) - United States

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

#21281604
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42562) - you deserved it (3744)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:28am - intimacy - by bye loser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

#21234068
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36003) - you deserved it (9337)

On 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

#21234068
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36003) - you deserved it (9337)

On 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML



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