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midnightm16's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
by hotmess / 04/24/2016 at 11:49pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I decided to pick up some breath mints. As I was checking out, the cashier informed me that if I was "planning on getting a girl to stay the night", I'd need the "stronger, more intense brand of mints". FML
by Kendall14159 / 04/17/2016 at 4:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom finally noticed the joke file I have on my PC desktop called "bigcocklovespussy.jpg". It's just a cute picture of a chicken snuggling with a cat. She didn't actually open the file and just deleted it. She won't believe my explanation and grounded me for a month for "looking at porn". FML
by Anonymous / 04/17/2016 at 7:52am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Desiree_lianne / 03/26/2016 at 5:02pm / United States / Love
Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2016 at 10:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/11/2016 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, I donated a dollar to a kids charity at Lowe's. The cashier handed me a star to sign my name, I signed it and gave it back to her. She looked at me with disgust and asked what was wrong with me. I had to pull out my license to prove to her that my name is really Michael Myers. FML
by M1CHA3L_MY3RZ / 03/01/2016 at 8:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by wellthisisbad / 02/29/2016 at 7:27am / United States (Florida) / Kids
by queerdragon / 02/25/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Katie1921 / 02/08/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML
by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML
by SY5623 / 08/11/2015 at 8:00pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML
by ahhh / 08/03/2015 at 2:06am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by jenpearl / 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm five and a half weeks pregnant. One of my coworkers told me that it sucks that I'll have to wait so long to show. I asked her what she meant; she replied, "It's always harder to tell when big girls are pregnant. Can't tell what's fat and what's baby." FML
by pregnantfatty / 06/18/2015 at 8:58pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work