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midnightkiwi2008's favorite FMLs
Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML
by mtr1594 / 07/31/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML
by rightinthekarma / 12/19/2012 at 10:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by ehrmagahd / 12/19/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
by ayye_its_nikki / 12/19/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch / 12/18/2012 at 4:44pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy
by ToughTitties / 12/14/2012 at 8:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
by maxedoutidiot / 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Dontwaketheneighbors / 12/06/2012 at 9:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by whaleninjapoop / 12/06/2012 at 3:24am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by ladylol / 11/24/2012 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
by Read The Fine Print / 11/24/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
by nextcontestant16 / 11/19/2012 at 10:12am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched… Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's… Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly…