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mhee

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mhee

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mhee's page activity

Visits<b>omgbrainZ</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 7:08am

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mhee's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38593) - you deserved it (3553)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37825) - you deserved it (3327)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
79 comments

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

#21257810
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33459) - you deserved it (3254)

On 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm - animals - by new dog - United States (Maryland)

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36044) - you deserved it (8440)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35109) - you deserved it (2916)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

#21256123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36034) - you deserved it (2705)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:49am - work - by PerfectVision (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

#21254463
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38840) - you deserved it (3375)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm - health - by jkim - United States (California)

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

#21253313
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38635) - you deserved it (3405)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36561) - you deserved it (3553)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

#21251355
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31199) - you deserved it (4686)

On 09/03/2014 at 7:13pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

#21250817
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35422) - you deserved it (3807)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:13pm - health - by soccer8goalie - United States (West Virginia)



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