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Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23598) - you deserved it (85933)
On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44008) - you deserved it (7000)
On 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by Skido (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML
I agree, your life sucks (48492) - you deserved it (4332)
On 02/19/2009 at 2:08am - love - by grlks (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42377) - you deserved it (8648)
On 02/19/2009 at 1:14am - animals - by zac545 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36786) - you deserved it (10462)
On 02/12/2009 at 7:14am - intimacy - by thegoldenboy3 (man) - Spain (Andalucia)
Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21663) - you deserved it (7587)
On 02/07/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by woo. - United States (Illinois)
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16809) - you deserved it (21885)
On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (526775) - you deserved it (37881)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41703) - you deserved it (13986)
On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)
Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4852) - you deserved it (37061)
On 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)
Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6954) - you deserved it (40597)
On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60852) - you deserved it (2826)
On 12/05/2008 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Mak1 - Belgium (Brabant)
Today, I went to work 300 miles away from where I live. I couldn't find my customer's address, so I decided to call him. I'd picked up my wireless house phone instead of my mobile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15705) - you deserved it (5834)
On 11/19/2008 at 3:00am - work - by comphone - Sent from mobile version
Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12742) - you deserved it (96170)
On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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