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metalmusic

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metalmusic
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1299
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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metalmusic's favorite FMLs

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24245) - you deserved it (88185)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

#82135
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46652) - you deserved it (7596)

On 02/19/2009 at 8:39pm - love - by Skido (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

#75697
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53869) - you deserved it (5065)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:08am - love - by grlks (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML

#75299
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46305) - you deserved it (9438)

On 02/19/2009 at 1:14am - animals - by zac545 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

#30294
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39748) - you deserved it (11866)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:14am - intimacy - by thegoldenboy3 (man) - Spain (Andalucia)

Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML

#13635
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22306) - you deserved it (7672)

On 02/07/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by woo. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18760) - you deserved it (24044)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45209) - you deserved it (16102)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

#6479
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6040) - you deserved it (45166)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

#4860
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8215) - you deserved it (49330)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

#452
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68602) - you deserved it (3742)

On 12/05/2008 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Mak1 - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, I went to work 300 miles away from where I live. I couldn't find my customer's address, so I decided to call him. I'd picked up my wireless house phone instead of my mobile. FML

#339
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16310) - you deserved it (5943)

On 11/19/2008 at 3:00am - work - by comphone - Sent from mobile version

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

#228
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13261) - you deserved it (104252)

On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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