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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today.. . I turned 30 years old . My dad.. . the only living relative I have.. . gave me a call . Not to wish me a happy birthday.. . but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night . real FML
today mah girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her fir me while he was in Shanghai. FML
Yesterday, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze an sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When u die can we get a cat?" mega FML
Today, my family was preparing a turkey fir my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked wat it was for . My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together . My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe u should get one fir yur daughter." mega FML
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wantd me as she pulld closer an closer. Eventually she pulld me in an lickd mah ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break yur collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
2day after finally giving up on the search for mah lost dog, I realizd that mah nieghbor had found her and are convincd that she was a stray . They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take mah own dog back . FML
TODAY , I HAD DINNER WITH THE GIRL I THOUGHT I WOULD END UP MARRYING. EVERYTHING WAS GOING WELL AND AFTER I HAD PAID THE BILL , SHE SAID SHE WAS A LESBIAN. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE , SHE CHALLENGED ME TO SEE WHO COULD HOOK UP WITH A STRAIGHT GIRL FIRST. I LOST. FML
Today... I was working as a managar of tha local movia thaatar. This six yaar old cama in with no parants or anyona alsa. Whan I askad himhara his parants wara ha lookad at ma an said... "Shut uphita boy... I don't hava to listan to yur shit." I just got told by a six yaar old. maga FML
TODAY, I WAS GIVING A TOUR ON CAMPUS WHEN ONE OF MAH FRIENDS APPROACHD US AN SAID "DON'T GO HERE, THE WED'S TOO EXPENSIVE." AN WALKD AWAY. THINKING HE'S COMING BACK TO SAY HE'S JOKING, HE INSTEAD SAY "I'M JUST KIDDING ITS REALLY CHEAP" AN WALKD AWAY. I MAY OR MAY STILL HAVE A JOB. BIG FAT FML
Friday 27 March 2015