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metalmusic

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  • Number of visits : 1916
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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metalmusic's favorite FMLs

Today.. . I turned 30 years old . My dad.. . the only living relative I have.. . gave me a call . Not to wish me a happy birthday.. . but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night . real FML

#2429850
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54298) - you deserved it (2751)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working at a day care center!! A 5 year old boy cummd up to me telling me he wantd to eat face!! Confusd, I askd himhy!! He said, "Because yur face looks lyk pizza." real FML

#2406815
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48086) - you deserved it (4886)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:09pm - health - by PiZzA_FaCe (man) - United States (Illinois)

today mah girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her fir me while he was in Shanghai. FML

#2339786
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51126) - you deserved it (4709)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done wit is name on. He paid fir it. After it was done e told me it was over between us and e tougt it'd be a nice reminder of im fir me. FML

#2275729
738 comments

I agree, your life sucks (281888) - you deserved it (149038)

On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Yesterday, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze an sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When u die can we get a cat?" mega FML

#1927832
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62322) - you deserved it (5823)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today... my boyfriend texted me saying... "I can come over today. Se tinks I've got work." I looool tink e ad te wrong number. mega FML

#1815283
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79063) - you deserved it (3689)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:46pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey fir my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked wat it was for . My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together . My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe u should get one fir yur daughter." mega FML

#1690188
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99457) - you deserved it (22802)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wantd me as she pulld closer an closer. Eventually she pulld me in an lickd mah ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break yur collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62654) - you deserved it (7244)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Taday I turnd 35. I was given mah frst-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I receivd. FML

#1475215
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101132) - you deserved it (16314)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

2day after finally giving up on the search for mah lost dog, I realizd that mah nieghbor had found her and are convincd that she was a stray . They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take mah own dog back . FML

#1078631
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68343) - you deserved it (3115)

On 04/18/2009 at 2:45am - animals - by englishtrio (man) - United States (Texas)

TODAY , I HAD DINNER WITH THE GIRL I THOUGHT I WOULD END UP MARRYING. EVERYTHING WAS GOING WELL AND AFTER I HAD PAID THE BILL , SHE SAID SHE WAS A LESBIAN. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET ANY WORSE , SHE CHALLENGED ME TO SEE WHO COULD HOOK UP WITH A STRAIGHT GIRL FIRST. I LOST. FML

#1002619
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79849) - you deserved it (6578)

On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today... I was working as a managar of tha local movia thaatar. This six yaar old cama in with no parants or anyona alsa. Whan I askad himhara his parants wara ha lookad at ma an said... "Shut uphita boy... I don't hava to listan to yur shit." I just got told by a six yaar old. maga FML

#958764
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61088) - you deserved it (6907)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)

TODAY, I WAS GIVING A TOUR ON CAMPUS WHEN ONE OF MAH FRIENDS APPROACHD US AN SAID "DON'T GO HERE, THE WED'S TOO EXPENSIVE." AN WALKD AWAY. THINKING HE'S COMING BACK TO SAY HE'S JOKING, HE INSTEAD SAY "I'M JUST KIDDING ITS REALLY CHEAP" AN WALKD AWAY. I MAY OR MAY STILL HAVE A JOB. BIG FAT FML

#920019
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45806) - you deserved it (4658)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by JimmyJazzNJ (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I Told Mah Ex Boyfriend I Lost 20 Lbs Because Of The Stress Of The Break Up. His Response Was "you're Welcome." FML

#889567
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50542) - you deserved it (25560)

On 04/09/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by blutownie13 - United States



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