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metalmulisha95's favorite FMLs
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML
by Embarassedd / 11/26/2009 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
by WOCOACH / 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
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- Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today, while on a ride at a water park, someone stole my thongs. The ground is hot enough to burn… Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to…
- Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.… Today, at lunch, my seven-year-old daughter and I had a chat. I asked her if she had a sweetheart.… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked…