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Offline (the 03/26/2015 at 4:24am) | Search for a member
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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML
Today, boyfriend bought yet another video game and played it all afternoon!! Unlike me, our parrot is taking this situation rather well: for the past two hours he's been repeating, over and over, ( EA Sports, it's in the game!! ) real FML
Today...hile lifeguarding.. . I slippd and fell from my chair and onto the cement . Embarrassd and actually quite hurt.. . I trid to climb back up to the chair.. . but it tippd . I fell half onto the cement half into the pool.. . just before the chair landd on top of me . FML
Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML
Today, My Son Was Playing The Sims,hen I Saw Him Remove The Door To A Room And Set It On Fire With A Sim Trapped Inside. I Chuckled At First, Until I Saw That The Sim Was Me. Meanwhile, My Wife's Sim Was Happily Painting In The Next Room, Not Giving A Crap. All Too Accurate, Sadly. FML
yesterday I was taking a shower with mah boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closd he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into mah eyes. Neither of us could see. FML
Taday I bought a live lobster to have fir dinner. When mah four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly fir finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML
Today , I was looking at tattoos an fell in love with a really cool looking one , so I decided to get it . I later showed it to a friend who is a cop . He informed me that it is a gang tattoo . I think I just put a target on mah ankle . FML
Today... I tried role playing wit ma boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie... I announced... "I'm Natalia... a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian an yur cock." He lauged so ard e practically pissed imself. Te nigt ended in me doing is laundry. Alone.
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall!! I screamd and told her to stay back!! Instead, she walkd up to the spider, squishd it, and told me to stop bieng such a baby!! fat FML
yesterday boyfriend introduced me to his parents!! My boyfriend is Japanese, an I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him!! Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, ( Hello, I love your son's cock!! ) I almost got kicked out of thier house!! mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015