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merciri's favorite FMLs
by MonsterProblems / 01/07/2015 at 2:07am / Croatia / Health
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML
by Brasilian29 / 12/11/2014 at 7:01am / United States (California) / Love
by really / 10/31/2014 at 9:16pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/21/2014 at 11:37am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Drafrica / 10/13/2014 at 6:20am / South Africa / Intimacy
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
by anon / 09/25/2014 at 1:48am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Serire / 09/22/2014 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Lisa / 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML
by LyraAlluse / 05/18/2014 at 7:35pm / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML
by Anonyme / 05/16/2014 at 3:55am / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
by kendrox / 05/02/2014 at 3:11am / United States (Indiana) / Work
by cwl727 / 04/09/2014 at 12:49pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML
by fuck you with a bacon cock / 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm / United Kingdom (Moray) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment… Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me… Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very,…