mentallizzard

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Offline (the 08/07/2016 at 9:14am)

mentallizzard

2Fucked!

mentallizzardmentallizzard
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 17 July 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2994
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About mentallizzard : meh

mentallizzard's page activity

Visits<b>Rababco</b> - the 05/17/2016 at 11:28pm<b>stickitup455</b> - the 02/12/2016 at 3:14pm<b>Mortoli</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 7:23am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 8:11pm<b>dyoy_87</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 2:41pm<b>Yolomcswaggin420</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 5:45pm<b>Random_Princess</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 2:07am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 6:55pm<b>CitricAcid</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 10:45pm<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 10:16am<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 2:24am<b>jquaw</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 10:49pm<b>kylu7373</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 5:49pm<b>chefcow</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 5:20pm<b>MrCheeseOnToast</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 2:06pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 12:08pm<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 9:28am<b>Princess_Ash12</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 7:14pm

Fucked!<b>CitricAcid</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 5:27am<b>CurtisGirl</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 3:00pm

mentallizzard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of mentallizzard's badges

mentallizzard's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

by poorkids / 10/31/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

by doggone / 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

by baconandkittens / 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

by anonymous / 02/13/2012 at 6:32am / United States / Health

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

by wetdreams / 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 12:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

by John W. / 10/12/2011 at 8:37am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

by Username / 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

by sadddddd / 09/10/2011 at 9:54pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2011 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

by ifailsobadly / 08/13/2011 at 4:22pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.