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mentallizzard

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mentallizzard
  • Town/Country : Columbus, United states of america
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 17 July 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 281
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About mentallizzard : meh

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mentallizzard's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24265) - you deserved it (2423)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

#20116072
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19404) - you deserved it (3819)

On 10/14/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by stop it ninja - United States (Virginia)

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

#20037487
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6859) - you deserved it (16378)

On 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15310) - you deserved it (27028)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

#19164002
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24760) - you deserved it (4637)

On 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm - misc - by baconandkittens (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

#19156948
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7515) - you deserved it (40065)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

#19063731
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24554) - you deserved it (1781)

On 02/13/2012 at 6:32am - health - by anonymous (man) - United States

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18390) - you deserved it (1935)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

#18192690
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29562) - you deserved it (2181)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

#17966458
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10822) - you deserved it (39855)

On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

#17906295
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30437) - you deserved it (8391)

On 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

#17714662
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33720) - you deserved it (2688)

On 09/10/2011 at 9:54pm - health - by sadddddd (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

#17539205
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24120) - you deserved it (2857)

On 08/21/2011 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

#17536285
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55204) - you deserved it (6813)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML



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