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mendini's FML badges
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mendini's favorite FMLs
Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML
by Great. / 02/22/2013 at 5:32pm / Brazil (Minas Gerais) / Kids
Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML
by likearacehorse / 02/12/2013 at 5:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML
by theydidsmellitthough / 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Miscellaneous
by mydadsgonnakillme / 02/08/2013 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML
by thoughtidseenitall / 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
by thegirlofthedad / 01/29/2013 at 4:48am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
by ohfuckwaffles / 01/29/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
by hopelessteej / 01/28/2013 at 8:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy
by pdub523 / 01/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (Texas) / Love