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Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28051) - you deserved it (8714)
On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27822) - you deserved it (4478)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29711) - you deserved it (16904)
On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy - United States
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22036) - you deserved it (13826)
On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)
Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26080) - you deserved it (2167)
On 11/15/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by SetoAyumi - United States (California)
Today, I carpooled with my co-worker whose girlfriend has left him. The radio was playing the song "Jar of Hearts." He then began to sing intensely, and broke down crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21929) - you deserved it (2428)
On 11/14/2011 at 3:45am - work - by Anon - United States (Nevada)
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (1764)
On 11/13/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34472) - you deserved it (5459)
On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I have done enough trials to confirm that I puke after each time I have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34376) - you deserved it (2930)
On 11/13/2011 at 12:19am - intimacy - by unlucky - United States
Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33356) - you deserved it (7075)
On 11/12/2011 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34818) - you deserved it (2812)
On 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm - work - by EunJung - United States
Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23839) - you deserved it (3809)
On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23839) - you deserved it (3809)
On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24678) - you deserved it (10780)
On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I was the 19th wheel at a party. Yes, I counted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26324) - you deserved it (3212)
On 11/01/2011 at 1:01am - love - by Tom - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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