melody309

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Offline (the 02/29/2016 at 3:33am)

melody309

22Fucked!

melody309
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6108
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi! I'm just a college student trying to find her way in the world without drowning in debt. My favorite things in the world are baking, Harry Potter, Pokémon, music, All Time Low, psychology, my cat, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I like to dance around my room like I'm 14 and pretend my hair brush is a microphone, and I'm not ashamed.

melody309's page activity

Visits<b>no0ne0890</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 3:11pm<b>dmcintosh</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 6:04pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 7:18am<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 12:07am<b>kelsclaire</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 6:31pm<b>Helldemon</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 6:38am<b>Quiggles789</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 10:07pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 3:52pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 2:50pm<b>lostfaithinpppl</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 2:05pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 2:58pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 2:23pm<b>kukumber</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 3:20pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 7:33am<b>Seashells77</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 4:05am<b>bellabow</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 12:35am<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 7:45pm<b>NozomiTojo</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 1:30pm

Fucked!<b>no0ne0890</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 9:12pm<b>Quiggles789</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 4:07am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 8:50pm<b>NozomiTojo</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 7:30pm<b>MasterTron</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 1:43am<b>khoov19</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 2:46pm<b>TheLostCauseFML</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 9:08am<b>chuchusheep</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 3:20pm<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 2:09pm<b>fiftycarrots</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 5:04am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 7:41pm<b>columbusthecat</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 5:22am<b>bdsmslave</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Xx_ISeeStara_xD</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>Chickenlips21</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 7:35pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 2:42am<b>Soninuva</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 4:18am<b>hahahehehe</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 11:31pm

melody309's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of melody309's badges

melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

by Great / 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

by that girl / 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2014 at 1:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm / Canada / Health

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

by derped-out sperm / 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm / Ireland / Kids

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

by emergencyroom / 03/15/2014 at 8:21am / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

by melimelo24 / 03/13/2014 at 5:33am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

by are you kidding me? / 03/10/2014 at 4:22am / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Miscellaneous

Today, an American lady here in Ireland asked me if I was a Leprechaun. Thinking she was joking, and me being quite "vertically challenged," I decided to just say yes. She then grabbed me and made me endure photographs, cuddles and pats on the head from all her fellow tourists. FML

by SpilledWater93 / 03/09/2014 at 11:07pm / Ireland (Wicklow) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

by hot sweet.... not / 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Kids

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 12:37pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

by begging for air / 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

by unloved cat owner / 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (California) / Animals