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melody309

Offline (the 07/03/2014 at 7:37pm) | Search for a member

melody309

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1196
  • Number of comments : 117
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi, I like cupcakes, and sometimes the FML community scares me too much to comment on anything.

melody309's page activity

Visits<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 1:50am<b>meanmuffin</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 3:59pm<b>Kamon97</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 12:26am<b>killthedead</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 8:40pm<b>Whynotnowandhere</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 7:36am<b>illegalbeagle69</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 3:03pm<b>ZY1431</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 10:54am<b>Imsoswaq</b> - the 03/17/2014 at 10:58pm<b>Owlfarm612</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 11:29pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 5:43pm<b>hokie16</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 1:51pm<b>olpally</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 12:58pm<b>WeiXinLun</b> - the 02/07/2014 at 11:25pm<b>leaves_me_a_mess</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 7:50pm<b>rapunzel3416</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 5:30pm<b>konstantinos616</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 10:23pm<b>SuckMeBeautifu1</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 3:02am<b>ariastyles12</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 5:46am

melody309's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of melody309's badges

melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62209) - you deserved it (4975)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

#20676306
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40905) - you deserved it (2575)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

#20668938
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40442) - you deserved it (5032)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by jessinono (woman) - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47596) - you deserved it (3337)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

#20662282
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62826) - you deserved it (4885)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:15am - intimacy - by magomag (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49135) - you deserved it (5264)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

#20644913
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45498) - you deserved it (6091)

On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64416) - you deserved it (5945)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47210) - you deserved it (6304)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

#20640565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67064) - you deserved it (9900)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53033) - you deserved it (4116)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36084) - you deserved it (3024)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49142) - you deserved it (4642)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

#20623837
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40052) - you deserved it (5650)

On 04/26/2013 at 8:21pm - kids - by Shitty genes, no two ways about it. (man) - Australia (Western Australia)



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